Poor Things - Seeing My Autism In Bella Baxter
This will contain some spoilers for Poor Things (2023). Along with some content warning for brief mentions of anxiety and depression
I have been diagnosed with autism for most of my life (got diagnosed since childhood). It’s scary to think that I have been diagnosed with autism for most of my 25 years living in this world, and trust me, it hasn’t been an easy life to navigate as an autistic person.
Having autism has never been easy. When I was in child, I could only speak in mumble jumble words and sentences that no one can understand and I would have to point at something to get the people around me to understand what I’m saying, and my emotional state wasn’t at its best when it comes to being socially aware of where I’m at and wasn’t the best to understand patience, not being being too loud and not understanding the world isn’t entirely about myself. Thankfully as I gotten older, I was able to learn how to speak more fluently and learning how to understand social boundaries better, but I still had to faced many issues that weren’t easy to mange.
For starters, one of the biggest challenges for being an autistic person is the amount of people who wanted to trap me into a stereotypical bubble that I’m not worthy of being existed or even being alive because I have autism. Most people think autistic people are super stupid or super smart and should be put in a group away from the normal functioning people. That mentality people threw at me feel depressed, angry, and confused, and makes me think that I’m just this being who doesn’t belong or feel accepted amongst the people because I have autism.
My emotional state wasn’t better either. I would constantly get panic attacks and my anxiety gets worse the older I get and the harder I tried to control how I handled my emotions and the amount of things I have the ability to do, or at least what I CAN have the ability to do. A lot of it is because of so many people trying to push me to be something I’m not, and a lot of it because I have gotten older, experienced a lot of changes in life, and started to act more of a functional person despite the autism diagnosis living in me that at times makes life scary to navigate. Leaving to me have moments of screaming, and crying, and self reflection rampages as of result of it.
Yet, despite all the troubles and challenges, being autistic is truly a special and unique experience that I’m happy to have. Because I have learned that I’m not defined by my autism and it has helped me to understand the world better, being around people who won’t treat me like shit, and discovering who I am through the things I’m passionate about (I mean art like film, music, and tv are my special interests) with people who are willing to listen. That’s what has kept me going in life and I’m grateful to live our life in the way I have despite all of it.
So what does me talking about my autism experience have to do with Poor Things you may ask? Because it’s one of the few times I’ve seen a piece of media perfectly capture what it feels like to be autistic (both in style and in substance), and and huge reason for it is because I found a lot of myself in Bella Baxter.
Now I know on the surface, this film doesn’t seem like a film that would capture what it means to be autistic. As the film is about a woman being rebirth after she commit suicide and being taken by Godwin and taking a baby’s brain into her adult body. It doesn’t scream the autistic experience at all. And yet, through this framing device, is where the autistic experience in Bella really shine.
Throughout the film, Bella gravitates through so many stages of what many autistic people grow and adapt throughout their life (or at least from my own experience). She starts the film as a nonverbal/minimal behavior of autism, where she stimms a lot, can only speak in a few words (mostly either in the first person or just repeating words from other people said before), not understanding social boundaries and cues affectively, and acts and behave inappropriately through her body language. As the film progress however, she starts to have a high function level of autism in terms of learn and adapt more toward her surroundings in the environment she’s placed in, starting to speak more verbally with her speaking her own thoughts out loud and forming complete sentences, being more adventurous in terms where she’s at and finding what her special interests are (most notably giving her body towards anyone for sex), developed more efficient ways of handling her emotions, developing her own viewpoints on how she sees the world and the concepts that lies ahead, and has learn her ability to be happy, free, and content with who she is and of her autistic roots doesn’t define who is now. She’s her own person and those who often discourage her because of her autism shouldn’t treat her like shit because of it.
When I saw Bella Baxter, I saw lot of myself in her. Sure there are things about her character I don’t connect with (like her need for sex and the fact she was rebirthed in a lab), but so much her journey in terms of being adventurous, feel discourage by people who don’t understands people who are on the spectrum, feel joyful about new experiences, her slow yet steady growth of controlling her emotions much like some autistic people can mange, and accepting that what the world and what other people tell her doesn’t matter and define who she is. All of that is true to my experience of navigating through this world as autistic individual.
She captures those complex and fulfilling emotions that many autistic people like myself go through so perfectly that even writing it myself makes me want to cry. Mainly because so many films and shows that portrayed autistic people often feel cheep, discouraging, and so Hollywoodiszed that makes people with autism just a gift and just a pandering tool rather than capturing what it really means to be autistic and just wanting to be like a normal person like the rest of humanity. But with Poor Things, Bella felt more true to the autistic experience than words can ever express, even if it wasn’t explicitly sating she’s autistic. And that’s because her autism is never protayed as a negative thing, but rather beautiful look of taking the worst situations and enjoying life despite of it.
There are two scenes in my opinion that best illustrate the autistic experience. The first being her walking around Lisbon, which is also my favorite scene in the whole film. In that scene, she starts to explore the town, trying new foods, seeing the world outside of her limited worldview, encountering different types of people, and getting that pleasure/comfort that comes from that experience of exploring the city, and even throwing up afterwards. Neat. It’s perfect not only its done with little to no dialogue and it’s shot so beautifully both in terms of its colors and camera angles, but it capture the experience of an autistic person going out to the world on their own and seeing and enjoying things that they would never experience if they were trapped in that bubble they were stucked in because society’s expectations of autistic people being limited to what normal functioning people want them to be. Especially afterwards where Duncan told her that it’s dangerous to be out there by herself, which she responded to her being fine being by herself.
Speaking of Duncan, the second scene that captures the autistic experience so perfectly is where Bella and Duncan arrives to Paris and Bella explains her thoughts and emotions out loud and is trying to find out a situation to solve the mess they’re in in a very autistic like manner like explaining how Duncan is angry at her and believing that her actions came from a good place, even brief mentions of how she heard about the city of Paris and how “the experiment” they’re in is interesting. All the while, Duncan told her to shut the fuck up and how she’s a selfish person who is ruining the world and man baby shit like that. Then later on, Bella goes gets some food and tells Duncan how she went to the hotel, had sex with a man as an “experiment”, and how she doesn’t feel all that much for Duncan and his sexist attitude towards her despite not fully grasping it (which may I also add that Duncan and Alfred who was Bella’s old husband can be interpreted as normal function people who are ableist to autistic people and think they’re the devil trying to ruin the structure of society and such). This is such an perfect look into the autistic experience, because Bella in this scene is a reflection of how autistic people tried to understand social cues and behaviors she doesn’t understand but also often explains in detail about what she experienced in her own autistic way is so funny and so relatable (especially finding the strangeness in having sex helps her happiness and comfort in life). Not mentioned that as she experiences the many things throughout the film, she started to develop her own thoughts about what’s right and what’s wrong. Which is a symptom that many autistic people have in them when they have experienced change in their lives (trust me, I know this from experience).
I think it’s also worth noting that Emma Stone’s performance as Bella is absolutely perfect. Capturing the emotional arc of her character and the autistic emotions so perfectly both in terms of her body language and how she delivers the dialogue she’s given. Damn, if Lilly Gladstone wasn’t nominated for Best Actress this year, I would easily give the Oscar to Emma (even though I’m happy that Emma did ended up wining), since this is easily the best performance I have seen from her, even outdoing her work in La La Land, which I also adore her performance in that film (but in my heart, both Emma AND Lily are a tie for Best Actress). It’s rare for a performance from a non autistic person that gets the emotional state of having autism so perfectly, and Emma deserves all the flowers in the world for it.
Of course there’s so much more to how this film connects back to my autistic expectations like the small details with the way she plays around with her fingers as a way to stimulate her emotions, which something a lot of autistic people do. But I don’t want to go on for any longer than it needs to be.
Bottom line, Poor Things offers one of the best and most truest autistic stories ever of an autistic individual who learns more about the world around them, understanding the correct use of social cues and boundaries, and whatever negative thoughts or ideas set by their limitations/the people who don’t understand them doesn’t define who they are. There’s maybe few times where an autistic character (headcanon or not) felt truly real and authentic to my own experience of being on the spectrum in the same way Bella Baxter has.
She represents so much of the joy, pain, confusion, sadness, and overall happiness that I see myself in as an autistic person and despite of the unfortunate circumstances and are often discouraged by society because of it, I have prevailed and have found our true happiness with those who see me of who I am in the same way that Bella did at the end of the film. That’s the true beauty of this film and art in general right there. I’m so glad a film that’s so autistic coded and with an autistic lead was rewarded and being celebrated by these awards circles. Like that is awesome.
All I have left to say is thank you so much Emma Stone and Yorgos Lanathimos for this amazing masterpiece that captures what people like me go through and doesn’t come off as pandering or offensive to one’s experience.
People with autism wants to feel love, and happiness within ourselves and not let anything or anyone get the way to achieve our truest and happiest self. Just like Bella.