The Bear - How It Held Up a Mirror In Front of Me
Warning: This article will contain spoilers for The Bear Season 1 and 2. As well some triggering subject matter such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and some foul language
With Season 3 of the hit FX series The Bear about to be released in the coming days (or it’s already been out depending on when you’re reading this), I thought it will be the perfect time to talk about why this show is one of my favorite works of art of all time and how it’s one of the few pieces of art that really hit me in a way that few pieces of art has done in the 25 years I’ve been living on this planet.
So I watched this show back in February of this year, largely because of the strong word of mouth it has gotten, and as soon as I started that first episode of Season 1, I was instantly hooked. I love the writing, I love the characters and the performances from the actors playing these characters, I love the filmmaking behind it all, I love the balance of comedy and drama, I love the soundtrack and it’s use of different songs at any given moment, I love the way the show make you feel like you’re on a constant anxiety attack while also giving those moments where you can breathe and relax, I love it all. I assumed you probably already heard about all of it from everyone who has seen and loved the show. But for the sake of this article, I want to touch on the character aspect of the show, as it’s the aspect that affect me the most personally.
Now one of the greatest strengths of The Bear is making the characters in the show feel like they’re real and tangible people who have their flaws but are willing to grow to better people not just for themselves, but for the people around them. From Sydney, to Natalie (aka Sugar), to Marcus, to Tina, every character in the show are fantastic and they have very interesting and unique personalties that are so compelling to watch and be invested in their growth as the series progresses. Which is nothing short of the fantastic writing and performances that help make the characters feel real and human, and they all help aid to the show’s overall themes of self growth, anxiety, fears of failure, and living up to the expectations you set for yourself in such a personal and profound way. It even gets to the point where you can even relate to them in some way or form, because you either were these characters or knew people who were like these characters, and that’s just a testament of how incredible this show is.
But there are two central characters in the show that not only aided to the themes in the show, but both of them put a mirror at my face because I saw myself in these two characters in some way or form. Those two characters being Carmen (played by Jeremy Allen White) and Richie (played by Ebon Moss-Bachrach), and I want to talk about how these two characters are reflection of the person I was back then and the person I am (or inspired to be) today.
Let’s start with Carmen Berzatto. Now Carmen is the head chief of the sandwich restaurant The Beef originally run by his brother Michael who died in a very tragic manner (aka suicide) and Carmen is trying his best to keep the restaurant alive and active despite the struggles that came with running the restaurant such as paying off debt, different chiefs and their techniques of how the place should be running, etc. All the while trying to find ways to handle with his own personal life whatever it’s finding happiness with things outside of cooking (including dating a woman named Claire), and how he can process the death of Mikey without going insane about it and doesn’t feel like a failure because of it.
I found a lot of myself in Carmen. Not that I have owned a restaurant and trying to managed it while dealing the many cons of owning the restaurant, but I have been in many situations where I have experienced panic attacks, thoughts of screwing things up because of my actions, overworking myself to no end, and constantly being reclusive to myself and my own thoughts without allowing other people coming into my circle. When Carmy was in his state of mind of trying to keep the restaurant in check and handling the other chiefs in the restaurant, trying to find ways to handle many of the the traumatic events in his life like Mikey’s suicide or any negative emotions that were steamed from his family (like the TV show nightmare he had in Season 1 and trying to go the AA meetings Natalie asked him to go), or trying to handle his personal life without trying to screw it up, or even at times where Carmy is awkward around other people, I saw myself in those situations in some way or form.
I have been through many moments in my life where I’ve been selfish and pushing people away because I thought it would be the best for myself to not let other be in the mess I would often create for myself and thinking I can handle it on my own before realizing deep down I can’t. As well as spending time remembering the traumatic events in my own life (whatever the events were caused by me or people telling me “I’m not worth it” or “I’m just a big sack of shit”) that I can’t get them out of my head and would go insane because of me telling those thoughts to shut the fuck up in the way Carmen would scream it (and to some extent, scream at other people). A lot of those experiences comes from my own mental health issues (and an extension my autism) and not finding the best ways to handle them in a healthy manner, so watching Carmen going through many of those moments in the show like him remembering about his experience working at the restaurant in New York before working at The Beef after Mikey’s passing and the traumatic events in his past (like how he hated cannolis because he associated them with his family Christmas dinners) or constantly focusing on work to keep his mind in check made think a lot about the times I’ve been my own moments of trying to put my work or not properly handling my personal thoughts in a healthy manner.
Much like Carmen, I also have a hard time to let good things like friends, family, a good relationship, a good job, whatever happen in my life and let it stay good for a number reasons. For one, I have had a experienced many times where I did had something good in my life till one day I would so something I see as so unforgivable (whatever it's intentionally or not) that I would fucked it up forever that it’s hard to forgive myself for what I’ve done, and because of those experiences, I live in a constant fear of “what if I fuck up more of the good things life has given to me because of my actions” and that has hurt me to allow enjoy life and appreciate the good stuff in my life as much as I wanted to. Thus leading me into series of deep depression and even thoughts of suicide from time to time, because of how much I fucked up in the past and I live in fear that I would go and fuck up more in the present that it would better if I wasn’t part of this world anymore.
The second reason is that when I do have something good happened to me, I don’t know how to handle it in a healthy manner. A lot of it is because of the past experiences with me handling those feelings and emotions and I wanted to learn to be better at handling those feelings and experiences but a lot of those experiences I had in the past gets in the way of allowing the new feelings and experiences to shine through. Even when I do allow them to be apart of my life, I’m very awkward and shy around meeting new people or at parties, because of a mixture of not knowing how it will go out and if I let these things get too attached to my messy life, it will fall part.
A big example of that in Carm’s life in the show is when he meets up with a teenage crush of his Claire, in where he tried to have a romantic relationship with her while get the restaurant The Bear getting up and running. It started pretty solid, but the more he let Claire into his messy life, he starts to push her away and by the season 2 finale, he declared that he didn’t deserved to have the happiness he’s receiving because of how he self loathes himself and his success, causing Claire to break up with him in the process (like seriously? HOW DID YOU FUMBLE THE BAG WITH MOLLY GORDON? COME ON!).
So in a lot of ways, I am like Carmen. Someone who has a lot of mental issues and who constantly hates myself/feels like I shouldn’t deserve any happiness because of the countless fuck ups I’ve done in my life, and doesn’t know how to handle the life where I can let good things/people in and the life where I rather have none of that. As well as being doubtful of myself and not learning to love myself in the process.
Now we switch the focus over to Richie Jermovich. So Richie is one of the core members at The Beef, and he often plays up as being a sarcastic asshole who makes everyone around him annoyed by his antics, and is often lazy during the job, but also shows a deep love and care about the people he cares for (like his ex wife Tiff, his daughter, Carmy, and Mikey), and is trying to make the best out of the situations he’s put himself in. Even in the moments where he doesn’t believe he has a purpose in the restaurant process.
I saw a lot of myself in Richie. Obviously I’m not married and never I have experienced with a divorce of any sorts, but I often struggle with finding my purpose in myself and ways to truly care about the people that I care for in the most healthiest of manners. A lot of it because the stuff that I mentioned before about my connection with Carm, but it’s also partly because of the times where I don’t even recognize how broken I am when I’m around people and caring for them, because I would often put a mask of either a sarcastic asshole or being cheerful and happy all the time with no sense of genuinecy behind it all. So seeing Richie from that angle made me think about the ways I go abound to handling my emotions and my behaviors towards other people (good and bad).
Much like Richie, I also often struggle with finding a purpose in my life and learning to love and respect myself. At the time of writing of this, I’m struggling with a lot of things in my personal life between completing college, finding a career to do afterwards (probably somewhere in the journalism and photography realm), and constantly trying to understand where my life will go and if it will have any meaning behind it. Hell, even looking back on the many things I’ve done in my life like the countless jobs I had (and currently having one), the friends I’ve made and lost because of me and the many actions I’ve done, the years and experiences with school and college, etc, I don’t know many of them have any form of meaning to my life other than just “experiences that normal people should have”. Sure they were occasionally good, but I understood that a huge reason why those moments didn’t fully clicked for me is that I didn’t learn how to love and respect myself for who I am.
Because that’s something we can connect and relate to, right? That struggle to learn how to love and respect yourself, even at the most shitty of situations. Whatever it’s at a job you don’t like, or at school where you spend so much of your time writing essays that don’t mean a lot other than to get a good grade in the class you’re taking, or being at social gatherings where you don’t know how to socially interact or understand the people around you (which something Richie even experienced in a moment in Season 1, where he talks about a funny story Mikey would tell all the time during a date and he doesn’t get the proper approach in telling that story), it can be hard to learn how to love and respect yourself in those moments. But once you do, it makes everything about your life and the people/things you come in contact with so much better. That’s something I’ve learned (and is still learning) throughout my life, and it’s even tho it’s not easy to handle at times, I’ve grown to find purpose in my life thanks to the love and support of my family and friends who see the potential in me that I can accomplish anything, and my own self discovery in life (whatever it’s physically, mentally, spiritually, etc) that no matter how much I’ve been through, the things I’ve done and where I’m going to be in the next couple of years, if I love, respect and even forgive myself, than all good things will into place.
Richie had to definitely had to learn that lesson in the Season 2 episode Forks (which I will add that it’s my favorite episode of the entire show so far). In that episode, Richie had to spend a week at a top rated restaurant to get some experience of working in a high class restaurant (which is what Carmen is modeling The Beer to be like). At first, Richie hated working there, as he spends most of his time just cleaning forks. But the more he spend time at the restaurant, he was able to turn his views on it and started to form a positive experience working there, forming a bond with some of the people who worked there (including a guy named Pete), and ultimately has found true happiness and a purpose in his life after that has happened to him before and during the events of the show like his divorce with his ex wife, and not feeling like he is a true helper to The Beef and the connection with the people over there like Carm and Sydney (especially since the latter stabbed him in the back with a knife in Season 1).
I could do a whole article based on this episode alone if I wanted to and why it’s brilliant in every aspect you can think of. But the main reason why I loved it so much is because it really cemented Richie as my favorite character of the show (and that’s saying a lot, especially when the show has tons of amazing characters) thanks to the journey he went on this episode. Yeah we all love his funny and often sarcastic attitude for most of the show, but this episode (and by extension the entire second season) shows how broken and flawed Richie is as a person, and he believes he has no purpose and shows little to no respect towards himself. So by going on this life journey in Forks shows how much he’s willing to change himself for the better and it’s absolutely moving and incredible to watch. Whatever it’s the conversation Richie had with Pete and Pete tells Richie to “respect himself”, or the phone call he had with Tiff about getting the Taylor Swift tickets for their daughter while being happy for Tiff’s engagement with the new man she’s been dating, or simply taking the week long job more seriously and becoming a more active member, or jamming to Love Story while he’s driving as a way to connect with his daughter, or even having that conversation with the executive chef, Terry and how she tells Richie that Carm has faith in his potential, this journey of self redemption and discovering the true happiness for Richie is so personal and so incredibly moving that I can’t help by sobbing and tearing up on multiple occasions while re watching it not just because of how incredible to see his growth really shine through in this season, but it also reminded me of the so many dark and depressing periods in my life and I was able to turn my life around in so many ways and I’ve become a better person of it.
But I think what really cemented Richie’s growth for me is in the following episode (Bolognese) where Richie has comes back to The Bear, and he has that moment where he apologize to Natalie about everything and the way he acted in the past (which Nat forgave him), and he gets asked why does he wear suits now, and he responds with “Because they make me feel better about myself”. That shows how much he has grown to be a better person and how much he doesn’t want to be like his older self again. Man, even writing about this makes me teary eyed.
So in many ways, I am like Richie. Someone who has fucked up in life multiplied times and have self doubt issues to the point where I start thinking that I don’t deserve to have a purpose in this world. But I have learned that I can turn my life around and change it for the better not just for the people and environment around me, but ultimately for myself, and while I’m not perfect at it, I still have a lot of growing to do and I still I have confidence that I can be a better person every day, even if it’s just a little bit.
Okay, now I want to talk about the argument between Carmen and Richie in the Season 2 finale, and not gonna lie, this scene is the reason why I wanted to write this article in the first place. As this scene really cemented on why this show hit so deeply to me in the way few works of art has done in my life.
On the surface, this is an incredible scene that shows the difference between these two characters at this point of the series, between Carmen traped in his own self hatred and bitterness as he’s trapped in the freezer and Richie has grown to more confident and more emotionally handling in his mental state, and the way this scene goes about it is so incredible. From the way the scene is framed with the split screen like shots, to the color palette between the two haves, to the excellent performances from Jeremy and Ebon respectively, to the musical score that plays as this goes around, to the way it’s edited, it’s all so good. But when I watched this scene, it was like watching the two versions of myself constantly arguing and insulting each other that I didn’t see two characters on screen, I was seeing myself on that screen.
On the one side, Carmen represents my selfish and self loathing side. Traped inside this toxic bubble where I have fucked up so badly that I shouldn’t get any forms of happiness within myself after everything I’ve done and insult everyone who’s living a better life than me. On the other side, Richie represents my self worth and more mature side. Showing that I’ve grown from that toxicity from the past and have found happiness within myself, the relationships I’ve built, and the success I’ve found because of my growth. And because of how the two characters represents two different stages and looks of life, it was like I was watching my current self fighting with my older bitter self, and it’s something I still wrestle with.
The one part of the argument that always got to me is when Richie said to Carmen, “Yo, cousin, I don't understand why you can't just let something good happen for once in your fսckin' life?” after he found out that Carmen broke up with Claire, as he figure she would help out Carmmy through the personal shit he’s going through. That line always has struck out to me, because I constantly fucked up a lot of things in the past and I would often push any potentially good thing that comes into my life in the constant fear that I would go and fuck it up again and would rather be traped in that toxic bubble with my self hatred, much like Carmen. So when Richie said that, he wasn’t saying that to Carmen, it felt like he was saying that to me as well. It got to real in that moment and it’s something I often think about and even yell at myself that I need to let good things happen in my life and not let any traumatic experiences get in the way of any happiness that will occur in the future.
That argument scene was one of the few times that a work of art put a mirror directly at my face and said “Hey, you are both of these characters in some way or form. It’s ugly, but true, and it’s a battle you’re going to face it head on.” So that’s why this scene in the show (among many other amazing scenes in the show) has planted into my mind long after watching it, apart from being an incredible scene in its own right, and it left me saying “I need to be a better person”.
You can call it recently basis, but The Bear is a strong contender for my favorite TV show of all time (or at least top 3). It’s got a incredible soundtrack, a perfect mixture of comedy and drama, top notch filmmaking, and all around being just an incredibly engaging show to watch for 2 (soon to be 3) seasons. Like literally everything you want in a TV show and more.
But what really strives to the level of being one of my favorite works of art is because it’s that rare work of art that showed me who I am, my fears, my flaws, my ups and downs, my desires, my dreams, my fuck ups, and my need to be a better person every day in the most honest, raw, and most human ways possible thanks to the phenomenal writing and characters that showcases all of the factors that makes me, well, me. And the characters of Carmen and Richie showcases the two sides of myself that are important to me. One that’s self loathing and doesn’t deserve any happiness because of the countless fuck ups I’ve done in my life, and one that’s more mature and thoughtful person who can learn from his mistakes and be a better person not just to please other people, but ultimately myself. Much like how Carmen and Richie need each other to get through thick and thin, I need every aspect of my life to show others the person I was back then and the person I am trying to be today. I wouldn’t know if I would be here today if weren’t for works of art like this to show me that.
So to show creator Christopher Storer, Jeremy Allen White, Ebon Moss-Bachrach, and every single cast and crew member who helped making The Bear into the show that is (in case if they end up reading this), I just wanted to say a big thank you for making a show that is so impactful to my life (and many other lives who were also personally impacted by it as well) and for showing me not only the flawed nature within myself, but also shows that with the right motivation and support, I can become a better person.
EDIT (6/29): I have watched Season 3 and while it’s not quite as amazing as the first two seasons (especially with Season 2 being my favorite season of the show so far), it’s still a truly great season on it’s own right. A review for it will come around in the future once I give Season 3 a re watch in the future, because there’s a lot I want to talk about it in full detail.